Sunday, December 23, 2007

What I have learned

Today, my baby turns 2! Yikes. I remember 2 years ago being so frightened of becoming a mom. Not knowing what the road up ahead was going to be. I remember being in the hospital thinking “I am not ready to be a mom.” Then the pains came and I don’t remember much of what was going on. I just remember that I just wanted to give birth to this little girl.

Then I saw her. She was the most beautiful person I had ever seen. She was perfect in every way. I was still frightened and needed reassurance that I was going to do this “Mom” thing okay. I remember taking her home and thinking that I wasn’t ready to be on my own yet. She was dependent on me for everything and I wasn’t quite sure if what I was doing was the “right” thing to do. But we survived and this little bitty baby taught me that I was her mom and that she trusted me to take care of her. There were times when all that she wanted was me and just me being there was all the comfort that she needed.

My baby taught me that all the things that I thought I would do as a parent would go right out the window and my true “parenting style” would become apparent. I wouldn’t find my style in any books or viewpoints but from my own heart knowing that was the right thing for me and my baby. I would eventually find “like minded” parents, but I know that we are all as different as our children are different.

My baby has taught me that her need and ability to be independent is strongly dependent on how much she can depend on me. I am there when she needs me and so she can trust that she can go and explore the world and I will be right here watching her and if needed there to give her a hug and reassurance to try again. She has given me great joy to watch her be independent and strong and willing to try anything, (even if it scares Momma).

I have learned that I would have never been ready to be a mom and I am so glad that I am a mom. Every day is a new experience and new adventures to be had and I wouldn’t trade it for anything else. I have learned that sleep was something to be had in my past and when I get a good stretch of sleep I am grateful. I have learned great joy in slobbery kisses, bear hugs, sheer excitement over something new, and having fun just being silly. I have also learned how to make countless animal sounds (everywhere and anywhere without embarrassment). I have learned that I may have frazzled days, but I just need to tell people I am a mom of a 2 year old and people understand. I have learned that I am momma to my baby and no one else can be.

1 comment:

  1. That was such a sweet post! Even on the frazzled days I thank God that he has allowed me to be a Mom. What a privilege and blessing.