Monday, April 26, 2010

Marriage

We are heading fast (sometimes not fast enough for me) into a time where our lives are going to change forever. For a child, a four year old, life changing experiences are often scary to think about. I think that is what is going on with my beautiful daughter.

We have been through several phases in our journey of anticipating a baby brother. One of the phases was a constant reassurance that yes, she was going to be a part of our family forever and adding someone to it wasn't going to make her insignificant.

Another phase is a constant reassurance that we would love her no matter what. We read a book "Mommy, do you love me?" by Jeanne Willis. It is about a little chick asking her momma do you love me? even when I am good, bad, even when I don't win?. The momma always reassures her little chick that indeed she will always love her chick. This has gone into a lot of questioning from Mickey asking the same question and this momma reassuring her that yes, I will always love you because you are my Mickey.

Now yesterday we entered into a new phase. Daddy is gone a lot of business trips. They stay connected through the computer talking on "Skype" which is a wonderful invention. And nightly goodnight talks. Mickey looks forward to the times when daddy comes home and spending all her time with him. Last night she was sad when bedtime came. Part of it had to do with all the activity that her and her daddy were doing together. The other part has do with her insecurities and apparent jealousy. She was sad because "Daddy loved momma, first and not Mickey". She was sad because "Daddy married momma and not me!" She was truly heartbroken over these two revelations. We tried to comfort her and reassure that her daddy loved her very much. But the fact that he was already married just made her sad. She eventually went to sleep. But the thoughts were right there when she woke up again this morning. I am at a loss on how to explain this to her but I just keep reassuring her that her Daddy loves her even though he is married to me.

2 comments:

  1. We have been having similar conversations about marriage and L's feelings of rejection because mama and daddy can't marry her. It is a strange time for these LOs with or without the approaching arrival of a sibling - they are growing up, realizing that adults can marry and the fear about marriage means moving away from a parent. Reassure that you both will be there for Mickey. Hugs. Becs

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  2. Just reading this now and hoping she has a better sense of comfort. If not, I had an idea. How about telling her something like "Mama and Daddy got married because they love easch other, but also so they could have a precious Mickey yo love." Their sensitivity can be challenging but also show thatvthey are such compassionate, good kids. I hope you are well.
    Love,
    Dara

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